Month: November 2019

Faith In Many Forms

Hello, all! I am kind of puzzled. I’m wondering where to go with my faith from here. God is my Higher Power and I feel like They* have given me certain gifts. I am fully aware that some of my worship methods are rather unorthodox (see: magick and witchcraft). The thing is, though, I feel closer to different elements of spirituality when I do different things.

For example, I like to read the Bible. It reminds me to be a better person and teacher. I love reading about Jesus. He was a radical, especially for his time, and an astounding role model. I also love reading my oracle cards. They allow me to provide an act of service in a different way and anchor a different aspect of spirituality. It’s been said that I have a gift for card reading and that my readings are very accurate. I read cards for a friend yesterday and I started crying. You know how you see something so moving it brings you to tears? That was it for me.

Late yesterday evening, I got ordained as a minister online partially by accident. I wanted to see how the process worked and then I was a minister before I knew it. I made a promise to myself and God that even though the ordination may not carry a lot of weight in the world, I would do my best to seek out the spiritual and the holy and be an example. I know that teaching and talking about the Bible is a way to reach some people, but not others. I personally believe that as long as you’re not being a hypocrite and are doing the right and kind thing, you’re good. I won’t always do the right and kind thing. I won’t always say something and back it up with the same action. I want to keep trying to do better. I’ll have bad days. But by keeping in touch with my spiritual sides, I will become a better person.

This includes doing the right and kind thing to myself. I’m horrible at this. I’ve not been eating often enough. That has not been the easiest on my body. I also mentally self-harm when I make a mistake or am sad. It’s a great cause of the deep sadness I get into sometimes – I beat myself up and that makes it worse. That is something I need to work on stopping or lessening.

Unlearning old patterns is going to take some time. I want to become a better listener, both to the messages I get from people and spiritual messages. I know I am loved. I know you are, as well.

Before I go, I want to do a card reading. The question I’m asking is, what is someone not realizing about themselves that is holding them back? What is the outcome??

I did a new reading style, one that I call the Journey. One card for one’s current state, two for the conflicts they will face, and three for the outcome.

Present state: The Stars (2). You are in a state of loss. You’re missing something that is gone, something that left perhaps too soon. It hurts, it aches. You think all is lost.

Conflict: The Wise Masculine (12) and the Blackness (16). You will think you have to be strong. You will think you have to run the show and keep your emotions in check as you face down your demons and cope with the loss. But have hope – there can be no darkness without light, no evil without good. There is a duality in all things. This isn’t permanent.

Resolution: The Ideal (27), the Black Stone (11), and the Knife (6). To overcome your conflict, you will need to start over. Clean house, get rid of what no longer suits you, and be forceful in seeking the truth if you must. Seek truth and hope always.

Love,

E

*Does God really have a gender? I don’t think so.

A Heretic’s Ministry

“I am the heretic among the sanctified, more riddled with holes than holy. I walk amid you and you will never know me.”

“Never Know ME”

Hello, everyone!! It’s been a bit. I return after doing a lot of thinking. This blog has been mostly positive so far. It was very hard keeping up with it because, as I have stated before, I am not a very naturally positive person. It felt like I was putting on a mask every time I wrote. I felt like a liar, so I stopped for awhile. I return with many new ideas, so bear with me as I sort out a middle ground between the real and the positive and find my voice again.

Up until this point, I’ve focused a lot on the more witchy side of things, neglecting the other parts of me. We are not simply one part of ourselves. We are the total of all of our parts. I often forget that. I have a tendency to neglect the other parts of me in favor of one part at a time. Now, I am going to focus on all parts of my spiritual and religious nature. I believe there’s more than one part to it and that they all deserve attention. Allow me to tell you a bit more about these other facets of my religion and spirituality.

Facets

Long before I formally recognized that I was on this journey, I was already on it. My time in the Church was just the beginning. I learned to love reading scriptures, though I never got entirely into the Book of Mormon and other parts of the Mormon canon. I learned that I love to lead by example, and that became one of my life’s guiding principles – a good leader serves. A good leader works with their people. A good leader, as I ended up writing last night, does not sit upon a pedestal and they do not simply hand down edicts. They set a good example for their people, they don’t just say “do as I say, not as I do”. That’s hypocrisy.

The Missing Something

All throughout this time, I was longing for….something. I knew I couldn’t find it in the Mormon community I had been spiritually raised in, but I couldn’t seem to find it anywhere else, either. It seemed – and still seems – that I don’t belong anywhere yet.

See, my beliefs are rather odd, a mishmash of a lot of different belief systems. They’re hard to place into a category where they might belong completely, and that’s baffling for some. I’ve heard people say “but you need to go to church! What about the community? What about the encouragement?” To be honest, I feel like I have to hide my true self in most church circles. I will have to find a place where I belong both culturally and with my beliefs before I can truly feel encouraged.

Kindness

I’m sure that I would get run out of town at the Council of Nicaea for some of my beliefs, hence why I often refer to myself as a heretic and have such a hard time authentically expressing myself in a church setting. But still I search. Throughout all of this, one thing has remained constant – kindness. I try to be kind and lift at least one person’s spirits every day. Some days I don’t know who I lift, some days it’s more visible. Some days I even help several people. It’s what Jesus did. He cared for the misfits, the broken, the outcasts. Those were the ones who needed him. People around me need lifting and encouragement and peace. I would even venture to say that everyone does. Everyone struggles with something.

One of my favorite ways to help someone feel better is to give them a sincere compliment. A sincere compliment can save a life. A smile can save a life. Going above and beyond an expectation can save a life. Listening can save a life. Being there can save a life. Even if you don’t save a life, though, you can make someone’s day better. That can have effects that go farther than that one day, as well.

Church Goals

Another goal I have is to make people feel welcome. I think that that’s an important task for a leader (or anyone) – to make everyone feel welcome and loved. I’m sure that there are many like me. They feel like they don’t belong. They’re hurting. They need a little TLC. It’s my goal to be there for them. If I establish a church someday, that will be my mission – to create a safe place where they can feel God’s love.

That’s my mission. Thank you for reading.

-E

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