“I am the heretic among the sanctified, more riddled with holes than holy. I walk amid you and you will never know me.”

“Never Know ME”

Hello, everyone!! It’s been a bit. I return after doing a lot of thinking. This blog has been mostly positive so far. It was very hard keeping up with it because, as I have stated before, I am not a very naturally positive person. It felt like I was putting on a mask every time I wrote. I felt like a liar, so I stopped for awhile. I return with many new ideas, so bear with me as I sort out a middle ground between the real and the positive and find my voice again.

Up until this point, I’ve focused a lot on the more witchy side of things, neglecting the other parts of me. We are not simply one part of ourselves. We are the total of all of our parts. I often forget that. I have a tendency to neglect the other parts of me in favor of one part at a time. Now, I am going to focus on all parts of my spiritual and religious nature. I believe there’s more than one part to it and that they all deserve attention. Allow me to tell you a bit more about these other facets of my religion and spirituality.

Facets

Long before I formally recognized that I was on this journey, I was already on it. My time in the Church was just the beginning. I learned to love reading scriptures, though I never got entirely into the Book of Mormon and other parts of the Mormon canon. I learned that I love to lead by example, and that became one of my life’s guiding principles – a good leader serves. A good leader works with their people. A good leader, as I ended up writing last night, does not sit upon a pedestal and they do not simply hand down edicts. They set a good example for their people, they don’t just say “do as I say, not as I do”. That’s hypocrisy.

The Missing Something

All throughout this time, I was longing for….something. I knew I couldn’t find it in the Mormon community I had been spiritually raised in, but I couldn’t seem to find it anywhere else, either. It seemed – and still seems – that I don’t belong anywhere yet.

See, my beliefs are rather odd, a mishmash of a lot of different belief systems. They’re hard to place into a category where they might belong completely, and that’s baffling for some. I’ve heard people say “but you need to go to church! What about the community? What about the encouragement?” To be honest, I feel like I have to hide my true self in most church circles. I will have to find a place where I belong both culturally and with my beliefs before I can truly feel encouraged.

Kindness

I’m sure that I would get run out of town at the Council of Nicaea for some of my beliefs, hence why I often refer to myself as a heretic and have such a hard time authentically expressing myself in a church setting. But still I search. Throughout all of this, one thing has remained constant – kindness. I try to be kind and lift at least one person’s spirits every day. Some days I don’t know who I lift, some days it’s more visible. Some days I even help several people. It’s what Jesus did. He cared for the misfits, the broken, the outcasts. Those were the ones who needed him. People around me need lifting and encouragement and peace. I would even venture to say that everyone does. Everyone struggles with something.

One of my favorite ways to help someone feel better is to give them a sincere compliment. A sincere compliment can save a life. A smile can save a life. Going above and beyond an expectation can save a life. Listening can save a life. Being there can save a life. Even if you don’t save a life, though, you can make someone’s day better. That can have effects that go farther than that one day, as well.

Church Goals

Another goal I have is to make people feel welcome. I think that that’s an important task for a leader (or anyone) – to make everyone feel welcome and loved. I’m sure that there are many like me. They feel like they don’t belong. They’re hurting. They need a little TLC. It’s my goal to be there for them. If I establish a church someday, that will be my mission – to create a safe place where they can feel God’s love.

That’s my mission. Thank you for reading.

-E