Category: Life (page 1 of 2)

The Past: On Trauma, Healing, and Cleansing


Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;

I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their bones;

So let it be with Caesar.

Mark Antony, Julius caesar by william shakespeare

Hello, friends! I’m listening to Sarah Blasko’s version of “Life On Mars?”, originally by David Bowie. It was recorded shortly after Bowie’s death, and that makes this beautiful song poignant and timely. 

David Bowie

It’s strange to think that he’s gone. I only got into Bowie’s music towards the end of his life through a friend or two. I recorded an album based around his song “Heroes” shortly after some events that changed my life. “Modern Love” became the crown jewel of many of my playlists. I think I love his first album the most. “Letter To Hermione” hits me like a punch to the gut. It’s beautiful in a very sad way. “Did you ever call my name just by mistake?” he sings. 

Don’t we all ask that at some point? Don’t we all ask that or some variation of it at some point and then that leads us down a rabbit trail of pain and hurt? Most of the time it’s best to not go down that path, to not ask that question.

Questions

I’ve asked that question many times, and it never gives me a good answer. A lot of times it just brings me back to where I came from saddled with more baggage than when I started. The anger, shame, and hurt are real. It’s all real. I spent a really long time walking down the paths of “what if?”, even when my life was headed in a positive direction. “What if I mess things up?” “What if he/she/they leave?” “What if I really am as weird/crazy/messed up/selfish/mean/cruel/et cetera as I think I am?” To repeat: going down these paths never ends well. 

Thinking about the past usually goes one of two ways for me – I view it with rose-colored glasses as if nothing bad happened during that time in my life, or I see it as the worst time in the world, thereby completely ignoring the reality of the matter – there’s good and bad in every situation. Every. Situation. The past is as it is. We have to bury it, not praise it. The good is “oft interred with [its] bones” in many ways, as the quote say. It’s over. It’s gone. For lack of a better metaphor, remembering the past is a lot like remembering someone who is dead. You can’t change it, you can’t talk to it, you can’t reason with it if you get angry with it. You can only think about it and remember it. That can get very, very painful.

Flashbacks

I remember experiencing terrible flashbacks when my mind idled in class for many months after I had a series of harrowing experiences during college. I had no idea what was happening. All I knew was that I would relive these experiences if my mind started to wander over and over again. They were utterly terrifying. They began to haunt my nightmares. Over time, the rosy colored glasses I had once seen that time with turned dark with anger. I wouldn’t always come seeking the past, it would come seeking me. It would find me and pounce. I was haunted by a ghost that was never alive, and that made it more powerful to me. It was an event, you can’t banish that. 

Inconvenience

Sleep became just as exhausting as being awake, and it remained that way for many years, actually. I still have nightmares about what happened, though they’re few and far between. The flashbacks are also rare. It seems that I learned to banish the ghost, and one of the ways I did that was by getting angry. Very angry. I was very bitter (and likely very inconvenient to deal with) for a long time. I’ve come to realize that that’s perfectly acceptable when something bad happens, no matter how ugly-seeming or inconvenient that makes me. People should be able to feel their emotions and recover on their own schedule. 

Eventually, I had a realization looking back on the events that led up to where I am today. It took a very long time to first come to the realization and even longer to put it into words: those awful things that happened to me in the past caused me to question everything. I’m incredibly thankful for that. It sure as hell was a painful process, but it was entirely worth it.

Cleansing

In studying witchcraft literature, I have come across a lot written about banishing unwanted things and cleansing that which you use to keep unwanted things away. It seems that these last few years were a sort of self-cleansing as I subconsciously got ready for this moment. Because of this string of experiences, I would posit now that if I’m going through a lot of pain, I am being prepared for something enormous that I am presently unaware of as I was then. 

What kinds of things could I be being prepared for? I know I’ve been asking that quite frequently. I’ve been hearing a lot of talk about and putting a lot of thought into my mission in this life. I have thought about this sort of thing for years, but have been unable to remotely put into words until recently. In light of these thoughts and discoveries, it would be fitting to write a mission statement here. 

My mission is to touch one life every day in a positive way.

As I said in a previous post, I can’t always touch many lives in a day. If I can touch only one person’s life, that can impact generations. I will be happy if I’m able to do just that. 

“Life On Mars?” has ended, I’m listening to my album. It’s strange how things like that go. I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him…

Thank you for reading!

How Do I Write For Myself? A Journey

How do I write for myself??

Hi, friends! I was writing in my favorite notebook yesterday. It turned into me documenting recipes. Some of them became very subjective and very snarky. Because I was sad at the time, I phrased the instructions in a way that would make me laugh. I wrote out several that way and gave them interesting names. To me, that’s one of the best ways to write.

Off the blog, I have a mouth like a sailor, so some choice language went into writing these recipes down. That made me laugh the most because there’s a large section of my brain that is 12, I swear. Oddly enough, when I use curse words in my writing, I find that I am most often writing for my own enjoyment. That’s a sacred thing. I do a lot of writing for OID, that’s for sure. It’s certainly informative, but is it written for my own enjoyment? Partly, but it doesn’t do much to make me laugh. Rather, it’s written for you, friends.

Why Do I Write?

That’s not to say that I love writing on here. It’s not intended for me and me alone, but that doesn’t stop me from loving what I write. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t post anything I wasn’t proud of. Writing here is one of the highlights of my day.

My friend Tori at the Less Than Perfect Life said that she’d like to see more of me in my posts, and I’m still working on how to do that. As I said in my previous post about hope, I’m not a natural optimist, especially when I write. There’s a tendency for my less-than-hopeful posts to become dark and depressing, so that’s why I haven’t spoken about my personal life that much. One of my readers called OID wholesome, and I want to uphold that reputation. So how can I strike a balance between my personal story and the wholesome nature of the blog? That’s the money question.

Question and Answer

I think it’s a matter of reframing my story. That’s something I have a lot of trouble with – telling it in a way that focuses on the good rather than the bad. I remember talking to my guides at one point about the nature of anger and one of them said “those who are angry are still in pain.” I’m getting chills just writing that. Am I still in pain, or have I healed? Before that, he said that I need to love everyone, regardless of whether or not I care about them. There are people who have taught me things and they need to be loved, too. That was mind blowing and very healing for me. I’d been dealing with a great deal of anger and that helped me get rid of some of it.

A great part of the positive side of my story is spiritual in nature. I have gone through a lot of spiritual growth recently, which is one of the things that led me to practice my craft. I have been beating myself up a lot, though, which has kinda put a wall between my guides and me. When I’m hating on myself, anything good people tell me about myself feels like a lie. They tell me good things and look like liars when they’re not. That’s unfair to them and to me. I need to write about and honor the positive sides of myself, too.

So What’s The Solution?

I don’t have a perfect solution right now because I’m still in a really hard place. I think that hard places are the best places to learn and grow in, though, because they’re where self care matters most, I think. I’ll do my best to write more about me, but it may take a bit to perfect it, you know?

Thank you for reading! Stay cool!
-E

The Radical Nature Of My Hope

Hello, all! As I write, I’m listening to Coldplay’s “Everything’s Not Lost” and that’s got me thinking both about beautiful piano parts and the nature of hope. Hope has been hard to come by for many people nowadays, it seems, and is almost a radical concept. I go on social media and I immediately sense despair. As an empath, it hurts like hell. It seems like everyone is thinking about the end of the world.

Social Media’s Hope

The more left-leaning people think about the world ending through climate change, while the right leaning people seem to almost hope for the end in the form of the Second Coming of Jesus. Both ideologies seem to think that the end is going to come across because of corruption at the hands of the other side. Everyone goes on about radical liberals, radical conservatives, but nowadays, it’s almost the most radical to have hope for a positive future.

I learned a long time ago that having hope and being happy is an act of courage. It’s far easier to be sad. It’s something I struggle with almost every day. I’m not a super happy person by nature unless I’m around people. I’m not very optimistic about the here and now. I do, however, have optimism for the future. I do believe that things that will be alright in the end, no matter what’s going on in the world. You may think I’m seeing the world through rose-colored glasses (and I probably am). I think things will be okay, even if life is hard right now.

The Strongest Belief

How can I say this? It’s one of my strongest beliefs that good things cannot exist without bad things, and vice versa. I believe that there must be balance in the universe, and in order to accomplish this, there must be good things along with bad things in our lives. So even if thing suck right now, they will get good again. Everything’s not lost. It never is. Quite literally, what I’m going through isn’t the end of the world. I’m simply partaking in the balancing of the universe.

Practicing Hope

I definitely think that hope takes practice to cultivate. It’s like all good things. There will be times where you lose sight of it. This is very hard, but again, realize that it’s a radical practice and you (and the universe) will be better for it.

So how can I better be a radical and practice hope?

  1. Accept and love myself for who I am. This is my biggest roadblock nowadays. I feel small and insignificant, and that’s not true. I’m a piece of the universe and I need to be extra careful to not insult myself. I am prone to doing that often.
  2. Cultivate patience. This is another thing I struggle with, but realizing that the universe is balanced was a big epiphany for me.
  3. Look for things to be thankful and hopeful for. I like keeping a running list of things I’m thankful for either in my head or on paper.

Thank you so much for reading! Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list!

Subscribe

* indicates required
/ ( mm / dd )

Is It Possible To Have Too Many Ideas?

A lightbulb hangs down below text reading "Is It Possible To Have Too Many Ideas?"

Hello, all! I am a person of ideas. Ideas are magical. I have many crackpot ideas, some of which are good (like making good food), others are bad, and still others are just weird.

For example, yesterday was National Album Day. I felt left out, so I played my bass with a brass slide for 31 minutes, recorded the whole thing, and popped it on the web under the name sbass.wav. That idea was completely random, but it came to fruition quite well. I am very much a person that flies by the seat of my pants when it comes to my ideas and implementing them.

Burnout

This can make me very exciting and also very, very frustrating to be around. I bite off more than I can chew frequently and spend a long periods of time feeling overextended. I work very well with projects that I can complete quickly with a large rush of creativity, like recording albums in one night. This doesn’t translate well to, say, building a video game. The burnout happens when the novelty wears off.

This is something I’d like to work on. I know consistency is key here. I have the time for everything I want to do currently, I just need to make time for all the things I want to do.

Excuses

I can make all the excuses in the world, but the biggest one I make in writing is that eventually, I think that nobody seems to care about the project but me. “Seems” is the important part here because there are people who care. I was told for a long time to not talk about things like minor plot details in my work in progress all day, so I am hesitant to talk about what I write. I’m gonna throw that mostly out the window.

I’ve been working on a book for 5 years now. It’s come a long way since the original 2014 draft. I write it in great spurts and then stop because I’m afraid of boring people when it’s on my mind. It’s become massive and sprawling, and I want nothing more than to talk about it when I am actually writing.

The Question

This has always caused me to call my ideas into question. I was afraid for a very long time of being a bull in a china shop as far as ideas go – being too intense, too much. I’m thankful for my husband, who has gone to great lengths to tell me that I’m not crazy for having a lot of ideas and being passionate about them. I do, however, need to make goals and stick to them.

How can I do that?

An example: I have a goal to get 1,000 page views a week on OID. I am almost there! OID amassed 508 views this last week and 700 in total! To get these results, I am being consistent, blogging every day, and posting on Instagram and Pinterest occasionally. The same type of thing needs to happen with the book and the music! I need to be consistent.

A Little Time

I have found that with blogging, carving out a little time for writing and doing blog related things each day is not only helpful, but very satisfying. Getting up from my chair after an intense writing session and stretching is the best feeling ever. I want to do the same thing with writing my book, practicing my instruments, and job searching. I need to continue working to find balance.

So yes, ideas are great. I am learning, though, they are not very good without goals and action. Let’s go!

Subscribe to the OID mailing list!

* indicates required
/ ( mm / dd )

Are The Things I Do Worthwhile?

Are the things I do worthwhile?

Hey, all. Lately I’ve been asking myself, “are the things I do worthwhile?” because I’ve been getting caught up in a spiral where I berate myself for making tiny mistakes and tell myself that I can’t do anything right. That’s untrue, of course – I can write, I can sing, I can make art, I can cook…but will those ever get me anywhere? Are these activities even worth pursuing? I ask this because I currently don’t have steady work.

I’m a history tutor, but it’s a numbers game there and I only really make steady money when people are panicking about their grades. Meanwhile, those around me have steady work, are making money, and are achieving more goals than me. This is mostly my fault. I was fine with this state up until about a month ago, but now I’m not and I feel awful. As a result, I feel like I have nothing to offer the universe at present and that what I currently do doesn’t matter.

Feelings Aren’t Facts

It’s kind of a downward spiral.

The things I do do matter, of course, but it doesn’t feel like they do. It’s time to make an important point here: feelings aren’t facts. A wise therapist taught me that many year ago and I try to remember it. Most times I forget. When I remember, however, things are better. There is a definite disconnect between feeling and fact here. I do things that matter. My writing matters. My music matters.

I realized last night that I feel guilty about pursuing things I love because I feel that I don’t deserve them. That’s another thing that’s not true. Feelings aren’t facts. I feel like all of my energy should be devoted to looking for work, not writing posts or checking stats or even playing instruments. That’s not true. Of course I should keep searching and searching hard, but I do deserve to enjoy life and do things I love. So what does this mean in practice?

Time, Patience, and Balance

If I give it time and patience, I will see my creative work pay off. I need to be consistent with it, as well. If I drop off the face of the Earth for weeks at a time, it will take longer to be successful. It’s patience that is the hard part. I’m flat-out afraid that nothing I do will pay off, that I’ll be stuck here forever. Something I need to remember is that nothing lasts forever. Nothing bad can exist without something good and vice versa – when discomfort or outright suffering happens, something good will come of it. I need to do something important, though.

Tea helps me calm down.

This is a dirty word for me – I need to find balance. That’s a dirty word for me because I have no idea how to do it most days. Making my lists helps, but sometimes that leads to me spending hours playing Athena (my bass) with a slide and then there goes any semblance of time management. I’m thankful for my husband for providing me with the slide, but practicing my instruments is so engaging that I forget that time is a thing. It’s bad. It’s definitely something to work on.

The simple answer is yes, the things I do are worthwhile. The slightly longer answer is that yes, but I need to find balance and be patient with everything. You might be thinking now, “yeah, this is is great and all, but how in the world does this apply to me? Are the things I do worthwhile?”

Are The Things You Do Worthwhile? How Do You Find Balance?

Yes. Anything good you do is worthwhile. Just keep at it. Your efforts and experiences are sacred and you should hold onto those and celebrate your victories. Celebrate them even if they are small. Regarding how you find your own balance, you can use my tips above. It might be different for you, and that’s okay! Many people recommend mindfulness, but mindfulness makes my anxiety worse. I begin to see everything around me instead of feeling grounded. It may work for you!

I often set intentions consciously or unconsciously while I make tea.

Another favorite activity of mine is setting intentions while I work, especially while I’m cleaning or cooking. I personally think of intentions like making wishes. If you put belief behind those wishes, they will come true. They’re especially powerful with I statements, like saying I am powerful or I attract money or I attract good things to my life. You can do the same things for your house or an object, like I will find my wedding ring or May I find my wedding ring. You can attract balance into your life by saying something similar.

What helps you with your self worth? Do you think the things you do are worthwhile? Let me know in the comments!

If this post helped you in any way, consider buying the blog a coffee here. OID runs entirely on donations, so any coffees we receive go towards gathering supplies and trying new things! Thank you!

How Do I Cope With Setbacks?

Hey! As a kitchen witch, I do a lot of work in the kitchen. I was taught by my parents and my grandmother Mimi that food helps me. Food also helps others. I turn to food for comfort a lot, especially since I’ve been having a lot of setbacks and playing waiting game after waiting game. Food helps me cope with setbacks I encounter.

To me, a setback is where you have a goal and you’re trying to achieve it, but something sets you back and you have to either wait, find a new path, or both. I have some special ways to help myself and others cope with setbacks in healthy ways, some involving food, some not. Let’s get started!

1.) Find a new way to look at the setback.

First, I want to talk about looking at the setback in a new, different way. I’m not saying to look it as an entirely positive way, but instead to look at it from a different angle. Re-evaluate where you are. Let me tell you about one of the most major setbacks I’ve experienced recently. My husband and I found out that we likely won’t be able to get a house we really wanted. It might take longer since I’ve had a few plans fall through, as well. That’s forced us to look at our goal in a different way.

What do we want to do now? How can we modify our goal to adapt to the setback? I’ve been job hunting and working here on OID to start. I know it’s a long game and a long road ahead of us. I’m not hunting for get-rich-quick schemes because I know it’s a long game, but am instead (trying to) be patient. By re-evaluating our goal, I’ve been able to realize that all is not lost because results were not immediate.

2.) Track your experiences.

This tip comes from this post on Nerd Knows Life. She writes about how tracking one’s own experiences can lead to inspiration in the future. I’d like to add that tracking your experiences can help you cope with a setback. I kept a journal for many years and it is very interesting to see how much I changed from a giggly, boy crazy 12-year-old to being crazy about my husband (whom you can read about in this post) to infinity and beyond. It is also interesting to see how I failed, how I coped with this failure, and how I ultimately succeeded.

It might help you to write down your experiences if that’s your thing. I have built an enormous body of work in poetry and music that also serves as a rough chronicle of my life and story. I focus more on the setbacks themselves in the music with more of both in the poems. My poem set “Futility + Joy” talks a lot about finding only despair in the first part and finding joy in the second part. It’s things like that that give me hope when I’m faced with a setback.

3.) Don’t panic.

This one is important, for I am a firm believer in getting what we need when we need it. As a result, I believe that setbacks aren’t here to make me panic, they’re here to make me learn. That helps me cope with these setbacks when they come. When I want to panic, I talk about what’s going on with my husband and people I can trust. They provide comfort and insight when I am sad about something. Because of this, I feel better. I also refer to the first point and try to look at things in a different way.

So let’s talk about short term solutions if you do find yourself panicking or sad.

How do I cope with setbacks in the short term?

1.) Practice self care.

We talked a few days ago about self care. I like to keep busy, you might like to chill out and do things that make you happy.

2. Make yourself laugh!

An example of something that matches my sense of humor from Tumblr.

Laughter is one of the best things I can get when I’m feeling sad, angry, or stressed. Browsing YouTube is always awesome. I also love browsing Tumblr occasionally because there are some funny things on there from time to time. Tumblr posts are great because a lot of them are off-the-wall. I have a Tumblr blog spanning over half a decade that’s filled with stuff like that. Find what makes you laugh and visit it often.

3. Relax.

How Do I Cope With Setbacks?
The mandolin I’m getting soon.

What do you like to do to relax? I love to play my instruments and write. In fact, the very act of blogging relaxes me. It took a long time to find out what works to help me relax, but once I found what helps, I learned how to use it. Running and painting also help. Painting is a huge help because it’s tactile and not something I often do. A lot of times painting is pure venting for me.

Last but not least, I love to cook and try new foods and teas! What helps you deal with setbacks?

If this post helped you, please consider buying the blog a coffee on Ko-Fi! OID runs entirely on donations. All the caffeine that we receive go towards growing the blog, buying new herbs, and trying new things! Click that lovely red button below!

My Rest A Stone

 

The first white stone.

Hello, all!

I’ve spoken briefly before about my Mormon background. I was a member of the Mormon (Latter-Day Saint) church for six years. I joined when I was 14 and loved it for a time. As I got older, though, more and more questions went unanswered, and following a spiritual warning, I left. Some things from church still follow me, and some of them are hymns. The title of this post, “My Rest a Stone”, comes from one of my all-time favorite hymns that we sang in church often. The line comes from the second verse:

Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down, Darkness be over me, my rest a stone; Yet in my dreams I’d be nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!

“Nearer, my god, to Thee”, Sarah Flower Adams

This song never failed to make me cry when we sang it in church. I still enjoy it even though my beliefs have changed. I love this song because the imagery is beautiful. I’m still not sure why this song makes me cry. I believe that it’s tied to something spiritual. Today I want to use it to tell a story and to talk about something important. It goes like this.

Our story begins in about March of 2016. I was at a therapist appointment in Annapolis, Maryland. My dad had died in February and I was part of the way through my freshman year of college and I was broken. My therapist and I were talking about doing what we can and only that. She had me lay down and think about that and asked me at the end if I could find a symbol that I could use to remember that. I chose a white stone. The white stone would be my symbol of resting when necessary and doing what I can.

As my beliefs went away from the traditional Mormon mold, one thing remained constant – my need for that white stone. I wanted to get a white stone tattoo, I thought about it often for many years. A white stone even made it into my handmade oracle deck along with a black stone. My friend and I were walking along a lake yesterday and I noticed a pretty white stone among the other stones. I snatched it up. It’s the stone that graces the top of this post.

As we were walking back, my friend picked up another white stone.

 

The second white stone.

 

The black stone.

It’s more of a pure white than the other one, which is striped. Further up the trail, I picked up a smooth grayish-black stone.

 

The stripes in the first white stone.

I liked it because of its shape and texture. It was then that I realized that there was more than one white stone, just as there are always multiple reminders to complete spiritual assignments such as learning to move and learning to rest. I’ve been given several spiritual assignments and I’m not super great at doing them. I don’t show up for myself a lot, but I think that will change. In my oracle deck, the White Stone symbolizes good luck, finding what you need, and that the universe is listening. The Black Stone symbolizes the coming of truth, cleaning house, and the cycle of pain and then joy. You can’t have pain without joy, just like you can’t have joy without pain. That’s something I try to always remember. I find it interesting that the first white stone has black stripes in it.

I still need to cleanse these stones and put them someplace nice. I want to put them in the kitchen somewhere. They need to have a place of honor and I need to remember to do what I can. A lot of the time, “doing what I can” means pushing myself more. I can do a lot more than I think I can most days.

Here’s my to do list for today. It looks like a lot, but I break big tasks up into tiny ones for satisfaction’s sake. I don’t know what’s cooking today! I’ll definitely put some tea on and take notes on it. Once I get this done, I’ll rest! I also need to exercise today..

Stay cool!

Eris

My Ko-fi button

Buy me a coffee!

Anniversary!

Hello, all!

Today was a good day. 

It’s my wedding anniversary! We’ve been married a year as of today. It’s been a crazy year. I left Texas a year ago tomorrow for Alaska, where I live currently. It’s been a very steep learning curve, but we’ve made it through so far. On my old blog I talked about my mental health and how it’s changed in the past year. It’s safe to say that it’s changed for the better. I’m very proud of me, of him, and of us.

If I were able to converse with all of my past selves from any given year, I would single out me from 6 October 2011 and 6 October 2016. Assuming what I say holds no true bearing on the future, I would tell that girl who is a ball of nervous energy:

Hey. Your dad IS gonna die after all. But you will turn out okay. Don’t give up hope, don’t despair. Remember that squeaky kid you have a crush on in your Geography class? Yeah, you’re gonna marry him. Yes, you’re lovable. YES, you’re worthy. And NO, you’re not crazy. You’re just fine. I know that you hate yourself. Stop that if you can. It’s not all your fault. Nothing about this is all your fault. 

And to me in 2016, I would say,

Hey, just a little while longer. I know you’ve had the hardest time of your life. You’re about to enter a new season, but it’s not the end, no matter how much you might want it to be. The hard times will ease up on you and you will find love. No, you aren’t unworthy. No, you aren’t unlovable, and you aren’t crazy. You have some stuff to figure out. That’s all. 

A big part of what I want this blog to be about is finding out more about who I am. I did heaps of self discovery this year. I learned that I’m not who people said I was growing up. I don’t have to listen to people’s opinions of me, nor am I an aggregate of what everyone thinks of me. I am me, and that person is who I make them to be. I did a lot of deconstructing as well as constructing – breaking down beliefs I had held about myself and about the world, shaking them out, and examining them. 

I found that I don’t fit in with a mainstream belief set. I come from a Mormon background and even after leaving, I still felt a lot of pressure to be very Christian. I strongly believe in Jesus’ message, but do I hold to all mainstream Christian beliefs? No. Hardly. I got in touch with my spirit guides and started reading cards and that was when things really started to change. The various things I had been taught as a kid and teen didn’t fit. I found more truth in a history textbook and Fahrenheit 451 than I did in the Bible, and that’s when I knew that it was time for a change. In this deconstruction process, I found witchcraft via friends of mine. Upon looking into it further, I found that I understood and connected to a lot of it. I did further research and fell in love with kitchen witchcraft. I’d been reaching for the vocabulary to describe my ambitions with herbs and food. There they were!

My husband is also magical. I need to do a lot better about listening to him because he has more years packed into his soul than any person our age should. He often tells me things, I shrug them off, I learn about them elsewhere, and then he gets irritated that it took me so long to come around.  It’s bad. I feel bad. He’s a computer wiz and loves to cook, too. That brings us to the present. I’m Eris, baby kitchen witch, and my husband and I made a delicious chicken Marsala for dinner tonight. We used  this recipe , doubling the batch and using about three cups more Marsala than the recipe called for, along with a lot of Italian seasoning and just a dash of Old Bay. We also baked a red velvet abomination of a cake. I consumed other wine and ended up crying because I had broken pieces off the cake while frosting it and it no longer looked okay. I was very sad, but it ended up being silly because while there was too much frosting on the cake, everything else was yummy. 

Thank you for reading! Stay cool!

Eris

Self Care Saturday!

Hello, all!

What do you do for self care? Maybe you’re good at it, maybe you’re bad at it (like me), or maybe you’re somewhere in between. Me, I’m still learning about how to care for myself. I only accepted and discovered happiness earlier in this year and have been slowly learning how to NOT treat myself. These things to NOT do include beating myself up when I make a mistake, engaging in self sabotaging behaviors, and holding grudges against others. But what about self care?  I can just not mistreat myself all day, but what about honoring who I am as a human being? What about honoring accomplishments? What about giving myself breaks when I’ve had enough? I’m not quite there yet. 

I do, however, have some things I do enjoy doing to care for myself. 

The biggest one is to actually get up and do something. I have the opposite problem of many others I’ve heard and met – I’m not too busy, I’m not busy enough. Building huge to-do lists and checking the items off one by one gives me great satisfaction and helps keep me very happy and satisfied with my life. 

One such list.

I’m hesitant to call myself DEPRESSED because I’m usually able to bounce back after a bit, but there are times when I battle something I call the Deep Sad, and keeping myself occupied is one of the best ways to fight the Deep Sad. 

Blogging falls under this category, but blogging isn’t everything quite yet. I like to clean when I get frustrated and bake when I’m bored. I’ve found that when I plink on my computer all day I fall into the Deep Sad, especially if I’m trawling social media for hours on end.  Pinterest  is an exception because it’s more of a search engine/curation tool, but too much of it can still make me sad. I know bloggers are supposed to be active on their socials. For me, though, Facebook is the ultimate key to the Deep Sad kingdom, and Instagram is only slightly better. I’m beyond thankful for the amazing Facebook groups I’m in and for Messenger, but other than that, I don’t like to take part in it all that much. 

My favorite Instapicture of mine.

I am beginning to enjoy Instagram now that I’m not trying to get somebody to buy something and just having fun. I’m becoming active in the Kitchen Witch Niche and having a blast with it. Going around and interacting with other witches and magick enthusiasts makes my day, but too much of a good thing does lead back to sadness. I have to be careful. Social media 24/7 doesn’t equal keeping occupied most of the time. 

Next up is exercise. THAT dirty word. I’m not good at doing it regularly yet because [insert lame excuse here], but I will get better because that really helped me get my head clear. I like to get up and dance if nothing else. Pair that with eating right in moderation and I can drop 10 pounds in two weeks from losing water weight. I need to do THAT again. I felt amazing. 

Another good thing to I like to do is to talk to my spirit guides and do spiritual things. Even if I don’t get an answer, it’s still good to engage my soul early and often. I’m not a traditional Christian, but I do enjoy the teachings of Jesus in the New Testament and it’s good to revisit them every now and then. The book of James (also in the New Testament) is one of the most beautiful and challenging spiritual works I have ever come across and is one of my guidebooks for seeking wisdom. I also enjoy reading about Buddhism and studying history to learn how religions and schools of thought spread and worked. 

Like I mentioned in  yesterday’s post , learning is also important to me. Trying new food, making something cool, learning a new song, all of these stimulate my mind and often my creative side. The creative side of keeping occupied is also incredibly important to me. I’m getting a mandolin soon (my first*) and I look forward to learning with him. I don’t plan on performing anytime soon. I want to see what kinds of sounds I can coax out of him.

The mandolin in question.

Finally, if I’m super down and nothing else helps, I take a bath and listen to music. Baths soothe my anxiety, especially when I put something that smells good in them. I love my essential oils. Music in general is my constant companion. I’m listening to “Happiness is Easy” by Talk Talk right now. Turning on a good song and rocking out is very soothing to me. 

Before I take my leave of y’all for the day, I want to share a very excellent self care tea with you. Mix equal parts chamomile and jasmine flowers and let them steep. The resulting tea is so good!

Stay cool!

Eris

Learning

Hi, all!

Music has been a huge part of my life until recently when I kinda hit a wall. For a long time (like, 20 years), I had an image in my head of becoming a superstar musician and singer and becoming rich and famous, but that image was slowly draining me and I’d forgotten how to ENJOY making music or even seeing or playing my instruments.

My husband and I were in the car today and we started talking about being ourselves. We were in Guitar Center a bit before the car ride. I picked up this guitar that looked like a candy cane. I also obtained a brass slide and began to practice playing slide with the guitar laying on my lap. With a little bit of echo there, I coaxed some sounds out of the candy cane that reminded me of a theremin.

Now, I have no idea how to play slide guitar, all I know is from some videos I’ve seen and things I’ve heard. What sets this apart from other times I’ve played instruments is that I wasn’t coming at it trying to prove I was good, I was coming at it to try and learn what all I could do with a brass slide and an electric guitar. I wasn’t an expert, I was learning all over again.

He brought up exactly what I had been doing – making music for the fun of it, not just doing it to get famous. To explore something new, not to make a living. That will be the only way I get somewhere. I will only get somewhere if I do what I love for me, not to please anyone else.

I’ve been struggling with what to post all day. I took a photo of the insanely good lunch we had today, but along with that post would come some self imposed shame because I am not yet good at eating healthy or eating in moderation and I completely blew the health benefits of lunch at dinner. I could write about how when it rains, it pours because it’s raining outside, but that’s been done before.

I know this isn’t about cooking or herbs or tea making or anything kitchen-related, but I want it to extend to that. I want to be my authentic self here, not just somebody who positions themselves as some kind of expert in order to get likes and comments. If you are an expert in your field, blog the crap out of that, but I am not. I want to use this blog to document what I learn, not necessarily to try and teach. Part of my magick is music, and I can do great things with that, but there is still much I must learn. I want to incorporate all I do into this learning process, because that’s what it is.

So today I learned:

  • Sashimi is very filling
  • Beans are more addicting than they should be
  • That I can make a guitar sound like a theremin with the proper slide and some echo
  • That I need to do the things I love for myself.

That’s all! Stay cool!

Eris

« Older posts

© 2019 Order In Discord

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑