Hello, all! I am kind of puzzled. I’m wondering where to go with my faith from here. God is my Higher Power and I feel like They* have given me certain gifts. I am fully aware that some of my worship methods are rather unorthodox (see: magick and witchcraft). The thing is, though, I feel closer to different elements of spirituality when I do different things.

For example, I like to read the Bible. It reminds me to be a better person and teacher. I love reading about Jesus. He was a radical, especially for his time, and an astounding role model. I also love reading my oracle cards. They allow me to provide an act of service in a different way and anchor a different aspect of spirituality. It’s been said that I have a gift for card reading and that my readings are very accurate. I read cards for a friend yesterday and I started crying. You know how you see something so moving it brings you to tears? That was it for me.

Late yesterday evening, I got ordained as a minister online partially by accident. I wanted to see how the process worked and then I was a minister before I knew it. I made a promise to myself and God that even though the ordination may not carry a lot of weight in the world, I would do my best to seek out the spiritual and the holy and be an example. I know that teaching and talking about the Bible is a way to reach some people, but not others. I personally believe that as long as you’re not being a hypocrite and are doing the right and kind thing, you’re good. I won’t always do the right and kind thing. I won’t always say something and back it up with the same action. I want to keep trying to do better. I’ll have bad days. But by keeping in touch with my spiritual sides, I will become a better person.

This includes doing the right and kind thing to myself. I’m horrible at this. I’ve not been eating often enough. That has not been the easiest on my body. I also mentally self-harm when I make a mistake or am sad. It’s a great cause of the deep sadness I get into sometimes – I beat myself up and that makes it worse. That is something I need to work on stopping or lessening.

Unlearning old patterns is going to take some time. I want to become a better listener, both to the messages I get from people and spiritual messages. I know I am loved. I know you are, as well.

Before I go, I want to do a card reading. The question I’m asking is, what is someone not realizing about themselves that is holding them back? What is the outcome??

I did a new reading style, one that I call the Journey. One card for one’s current state, two for the conflicts they will face, and three for the outcome.

Present state: The Stars (2). You are in a state of loss. You’re missing something that is gone, something that left perhaps too soon. It hurts, it aches. You think all is lost.

Conflict: The Wise Masculine (12) and the Blackness (16). You will think you have to be strong. You will think you have to run the show and keep your emotions in check as you face down your demons and cope with the loss. But have hope – there can be no darkness without light, no evil without good. There is a duality in all things. This isn’t permanent.

Resolution: The Ideal (27), the Black Stone (11), and the Knife (6). To overcome your conflict, you will need to start over. Clean house, get rid of what no longer suits you, and be forceful in seeking the truth if you must. Seek truth and hope always.

Love,

E

*Does God really have a gender? I don’t think so.