I’ve spoken briefly before about my Mormon background. I was a member of the Mormon (Latter-Day Saint) church for six years. I joined when I was 14 and loved it for a time. As I got older, though, more and more questions went unanswered, and following a spiritual warning, I left. Some things from church still follow me, and some of them are hymns. The title of this post, “My Rest a Stone”, comes from one of my all-time favorite hymns that we sang in church often. The line comes from the second verse:
Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down, Darkness be over me, my rest a stone; Yet in my dreams I’d be nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!
“Nearer, my god, to Thee”, Sarah Flower Adams
This song never failed to make me cry when we sang it in church. I still enjoy it even though my beliefs have changed. I love this song because the imagery is beautiful. I’m still not sure why this song makes me cry. I believe that it’s tied to something spiritual. Today I want to use it to tell a story and to talk about something important. It goes like this.
Our story begins in about March of 2016. I was at a therapist appointment in Annapolis, Maryland. My dad had died in February and I was part of the way through my freshman year of college and I was broken. My therapist and I were talking about doing what we can and only that. She had me lay down and think about that and asked me at the end if I could find a symbol that I could use to remember that. I chose a white stone. The white stone would be my symbol of resting when necessary and doing what I can.
As my beliefs went away from the traditional Mormon mold, one thing remained constant – my need for that white stone. I wanted to get a white stone tattoo, I thought about it often for many years. A white stone even made it into my handmade oracle deck along with a black stone. My friend and I were walking along a lake yesterday and I noticed a pretty white stone among the other stones. I snatched it up. It’s the stone that graces the top of this post.
As we were walking back, my friend picked up another white stone.
It’s more of a pure white than the other one, which is striped. Further up the trail, I picked up a smooth grayish-black stone.
I liked it because of its shape and texture. It was then that I realized that there was more than one white stone, just as there are always multiple reminders to complete spiritual assignments such as learning to move and learning to rest. I’ve been given several spiritual assignments and I’m not super great at doing them. I don’t show up for myself a lot, but I think that will change. In my oracle deck, the White Stone symbolizes good luck, finding what you need, and that the universe is listening. The Black Stone symbolizes the coming of truth, cleaning house, and the cycle of pain and then joy. You can’t have pain without joy, just like you can’t have joy without pain. That’s something I try to always remember. I find it interesting that the first white stone has black stripes in it.
I still need to cleanse these stones and put them someplace nice. I want to put them in the kitchen somewhere. They need to have a place of honor and I need to remember to do what I can. A lot of the time, “doing what I can” means pushing myself more. I can do a lot more than I think I can most days.
Here’s my to do list for today. It looks like a lot, but I break big tasks up into tiny ones for satisfaction’s sake. I don’t know what’s cooking today! I’ll definitely put some tea on and take notes on it. Once I get this done, I’ll rest! I also need to exercise today..
My Ko-fi button
Buy me a coffee!