Hey, all. Lately I’ve been asking myself, “are the things I do worthwhile?” because I’ve been getting caught up in a spiral where I berate myself for making tiny mistakes and tell myself that I can’t do anything right. That’s untrue, of course – I can write, I can sing, I can make art, I can cook…but will those ever get me anywhere? Are these activities even worth pursuing? I ask this because I currently don’t have steady work.
I’m a history tutor, but it’s a numbers game there and I only really make steady money when people are panicking about their grades. Meanwhile, those around me have steady work, are making money, and are achieving more goals than me. This is mostly my fault. I was fine with this state up until about a month ago, but now I’m not and I feel awful. As a result, I feel like I have nothing to offer the universe at present and that what I currently do doesn’t matter.
Feelings Aren’t Facts
The things I do do matter, of course, but it doesn’t feel like they do. It’s time to make an important point here: feelings aren’t facts. A wise therapist taught me that many year ago and I try to remember it. Most times I forget. When I remember, however, things are better. There is a definite disconnect between feeling and fact here. I do things that matter. My writing matters. My music matters.
I realized last night that I feel guilty about pursuing things I love because I feel that I don’t deserve them. That’s another thing that’s not true. Feelings aren’t facts. I feel like all of my energy should be devoted to looking for work, not writing posts or checking stats or even playing instruments. That’s not true. Of course I should keep searching and searching hard, but I do deserve to enjoy life and do things I love. So what does this mean in practice?
Time, Patience, and Balance
If I give it time and patience, I will see my creative work pay off. I need to be consistent with it, as well. If I drop off the face of the Earth for weeks at a time, it will take longer to be successful. It’s patience that is the hard part. I’m flat-out afraid that nothing I do will pay off, that I’ll be stuck here forever. Something I need to remember is that nothing lasts forever. Nothing bad can exist without something good and vice versa – when discomfort or outright suffering happens, something good will come of it. I need to do something important, though.
This is a dirty word for me – I need to find balance. That’s a dirty word for me because I have no idea how to do it most days. Making my lists helps, but sometimes that leads to me spending hours playing Athena (my bass) with a slide and then there goes any semblance of time management. I’m thankful for my husband for providing me with the slide, but practicing my instruments is so engaging that I forget that time is a thing. It’s bad. It’s definitely something to work on.
The simple answer is yes, the things I do are worthwhile. The slightly longer answer is that yes, but I need to find balance and be patient with everything. You might be thinking now, “yeah, this is is great and all, but how in the world does this apply to me? Are the things I do worthwhile?”
Are The Things You Do Worthwhile? How Do You Find Balance?
Yes. Anything good you do is worthwhile. Just keep at it. Your efforts and experiences are sacred and you should hold onto those and celebrate your victories. Celebrate them even if they are small. Regarding how you find your own balance, you can use my tips above. It might be different for you, and that’s okay! Many people recommend mindfulness, but mindfulness makes my anxiety worse. I begin to see everything around me instead of feeling grounded. It may work for you!
Another favorite activity of mine is setting intentions while I work, especially while I’m cleaning or cooking. I personally think of intentions like making wishes. If you put belief behind those wishes, they will come true. They’re especially powerful with I statements, like saying I am powerful or I attract money or I attract good things to my life. You can do the same things for your house or an object, like I will find my wedding ring or May I find my wedding ring. You can attract balance into your life by saying something similar.
What helps you with your self worth? Do you think the things you do are worthwhile? Let me know in the comments!
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